Moving is hard on me.
I feel crazy when I have to move, and I feel crazy for months and months afterwards.
I feel like a crazy person when I move because half of me craves adventure and wants all routine and familiarity in the world to die. I feel that life retains its rawness..its realness when I am brought face to face with the fact that outside of all the surrounding things that give me meaning, that am just another human. When my familiar faces, places, and spaces are stripped away by a move in geographical location, I am reminded that I am just another soul on a little blue planet hurtling around the sun…hanging in vast and silent space. We build our worlds up around us, and they have so much meaning…but when we are forced outside of those comfortable walls I feel like we remember our frailty a little more.
The other half of me, the half that does not know that I like adventure…cowers for months when I relocate. I cowered for years when I went off to college. I am tempted to disengage from my environment because everything is just new and uncomfortable. New friends are blank maps with every city undiscovered. It is fun for a moment, but sometimes I wish for the old, the familiar, the face I have watched change from toddler to teen to adult along with my own in the mirror. I guess these are among the few, (and mild) consequences of growing up in a small, tight knit community.
I am trying to learn to engage with new environments in a positive and meaningful way rather than fighting them tooth and nail for months before settling in. The biggest problem with fighting a new environment is the people watching me do it ( who are all new and do not know me in context ) assume I am anti-social and do not desire relationships. Nothing could be farther from the truth… after a few months, they realize I am normal because I stop acting like a scared animal and I always wish I could have just skipped the “crazy” step.
While talking with Aaron while sitting on the kitchen floor late last night (that is where we have discovered incredible truths…you should try it sometime…) he suggested I simply look for the positives and cling to them until things are more familiar, more “real” in my mind. It seemed like a simple suggestion when he said it, but it has already changed the landscape of my day.
One of the biggest issues I face when deciding to adapt to a new environment is the thought that this new place, job, or friendship could be very transitory. I guess I fear pouring into people and places I know I may someday leave behind. Aaron reminded me that we can never know what tomorrow might bring so it is best to live as though we are going to be here forever. The relationships we build when we think this way are going to be much stronger than those we might attempt to build with a transitory mindset.
When it comes to building relationships, always act as though you are working with cement…not play-dough.
Today I am thankful for a best friend, a traveling companion, and a fellow adventurer…who just also happens to be the hubs.